the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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