you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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