is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize