I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize