wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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