like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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