What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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