Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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