Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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