Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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