When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize