I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize