He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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