i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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