I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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