No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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