I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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