I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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