You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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