Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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