drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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