the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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