two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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