Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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