Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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