he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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