i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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