i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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