how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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