Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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