You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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