i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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