I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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