I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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