If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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