i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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