When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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