Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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