Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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