So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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