I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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