some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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