How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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