you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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