he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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