Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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