I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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