did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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