after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im holly from the hills drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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