were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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